![[Oct 2013] Writing Therapy](https://wayout.blog/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/writing.jpg?w=825&h=417&crop=1)
It is Friday afternoon. I just got home from the office. I could manage to tie-up the loose ends, so today I went to the office for the first time with nothing other to do than my only programming task I undertook before I leave. Just like in good old days, four years ago, when I was doing software development instead of project management. I had to concentrate only on the programming task at hand, nothing else. Despite this, I am still nervous, and it bothers me a lot.
Tag: writing
![[Oct 2012] Difficulties Getting Permanent](https://wayout.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/constantstress.jpg?w=825&h=340&crop=1)
[Oct 2012] Difficulties Getting Permanent
Another horrible day is over, or rather horrible days, since I returned to work after my days off. My father fainted in the hospital two days ago, when he was on a blood test. The nurses panicked, and I almost passed out myself seeing all this. After he had regained consciousness, he was as pale as he would have been dead for weeks. I had to push his lean and weak body to the chemotherapy department in a wheelchair. Yesterday the whole situation repeated, only I was lucky enought not to be there. It was a horrible experience for me, that made me cry yesterday evening, which is good news to me, because I haven’t been able to cry for a very long time. After that I wasn’t able to sleep, and at 5 am I woke up in panic, because someone was heavily knocking on the door of my apartment with a metal-sounding tool. I was scared as hell. My girlfriend was in complete shock. By the time I got to the door and looked through the hole, nobody was there. I have no idea who that might have been and what he might have wanted. I tossed and turned for another hour and a half, and when I could finally sleep again, my alarm started ringing.
![[Sept 2012] Fears, Thoughts and Writing](https://wayout.blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/fear.jpg?w=800&h=510&crop=1)
[Sept 2012] Fears, Thoughts and Writing
Just like I realized it years ago, I am unable to honestly recall and experience feelings much after I experienced them. That’s why I think it is important to write them down when I am right in the middle of them, or at least as soon as possible. Because if I don’t do that, later I won’t be able to recall and describe them half as genuinly as before. On the other hand I have a strong tendency to forget or minimize them, just as if they weren’t serious at all. A totally hopeless and desperate situation can seem completely different and harmless to me the next day. Sometimes I can’t even take my own feelings seriously after one day, except if I am able to read my painful thoughts and feelings from the previous day. That’s why it is important for me to write of my thoughts as much as possible these days, because I feel like there are wars going on inside me, and I am going through the most important transformation of my life, day by day, week by week.
The Way Out 