It is Sunday afternoon. I am at home at my mother’s house. I feel terrible. A lot weighs on my mind: the difficult week in front of me, with all the work I have to do, with all the stupid tasks. Being at home, I am flooded with old memories. I miss my daddy, and it hurts so bad. I feel a painful emptiness inside, that’s choking me. My body and all my muscles are one big cramp that is impossible to loosen up. My stomach is tight and feels empty, although I know it is full, so much full that it hurts. I want to escape, but there is nowhere to go. I don’t see a way out, so I try to stay here as much as I can.
I am still feeling so terribly lost. I would like to cry, but I am not able to. I can’t see the way out, I can’t see the purpose and meaning of my life. I am sitting at home on a Sunday afternoon, totally aimless and purposeless. I bury myself in work and tasks, that weigh on me heavily. I’ve had a few better days since my father’s death, but then always comes a worse, terrible day, like this one today.
I’d like to share a story based on Ken Robinson’s famous TED talk. The story is about Gillian Lynne, the famous British ballerina, dancer, and choreographer, who talked about her childhood and the discovery of her talent to Robinson during an interview. She had problems at school from the beginning. She wasn’t interested in the classes, she couldn’t listen and concentrate, she had behavioral problems, she wasn’t able to even sit still. The teachers watched her worried, her mother didn’t know what to do. They wanted to give her medication, to control her constant nervousness and her inability to concentrate.